Watching One's Life Flash Before Your Eyes...It Really Can Happen!

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Like you, I have often heard a friend or co-worker say that their close call with some type of accident has caused them to see their life flash by in their head.  For the most part, I have always considered this more of an expression, a saying.  Not a reality.  Having had such an experience just two weeks ago, I can now attest to that very occurrence.  Mine was not a close call in an automobile accident.  Nor was it a near drowning experience.  Not an accident at all.  I was on the witness stand.

I have sat in that lonely chair before.  Couple of times actually.  Never any fun for fear that you will say something wrong or inappropriate.  Certainly do not want to lie when you sit in that chair after you have taken an oath of being honest.  I have testified at an Internal Revenue Service hearing.  As a Chief Executive Officer, I testified on behalf of our non-profit in a liability case.  I have given my testimony in a number of depositions but not these nor my court appearances gave me pause as much as my Family Court experience only a few weeks back.

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Only being married one time and never all that curious about others who have experienced divorce, I was not concerned about the court proceedings.  My attorney prepped me for what to expect of the court action and how to answer his seven or eight questions.  I knew this proceeding was not going to be adversarial in nature and had little concern for it taking a turn unexpected. 

What I didn't expect was to take the witness stand and experience what can only be recalled as "watching one's life flash before their eyes".   It was an amazing experience.  It wasn't a near-death flash but rather a wonderful remembrance of what once was.   Thankfully, the answers my representation required of me were all affirmatives or negatives, no lengthy dissertations.

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The first flash was when I saw her step from her car all the way back in the summer of 1971.  Those incredible legs.  Stuffing the soccer ball under her shirt.  The wedding.  The birth of three wonderful children.  The amazing vacation trips.  The mutual quests to stop smoking.  All of these and hundreds of other experiences we shared together over 22 years of a solid marriage.  The images were a collage of everything wonderful about our life together.  All in a matter of one minute while answering eight questions. 

Amazingly, not one of the negative experiences we shared surfaced during that flashback.  None of the guilt that I lived with for years reared its ugly head.  It was a surreal experience and one that I will always smile about.  The flash disappeared as I walked back to my courtroom seat.  Walking out of the courtroom, all the guilt, the anxiety and uncertainty walked hand in hand with me.  Karen Mathea Hawkins and I embraced and she told me "it's okay".  The guilt and anxiety are gone now but the uncertainty remains.  Where do I go from here?