Watching One's Life Flash Before Your Eyes...It Really Can Happen!

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Like you, I have often heard a friend or co-worker say that their close call with some type of accident has caused them to see their life flash by in their head.  For the most part, I have always considered this more of an expression, a saying.  Not a reality.  Having had such an experience just two weeks ago, I can now attest to that very occurrence.  Mine was not a close call in an automobile accident.  Nor was it a near drowning experience.  Not an accident at all.  I was on the witness stand.

I have sat in that lonely chair before.  Couple of times actually.  Never any fun for fear that you will say something wrong or inappropriate.  Certainly do not want to lie when you sit in that chair after you have taken an oath of being honest.  I have testified at an Internal Revenue Service hearing.  As a Chief Executive Officer, I testified on behalf of our non-profit in a liability case.  I have given my testimony in a number of depositions but not these nor my court appearances gave me pause as much as my Family Court experience only a few weeks back.

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Only being married one time and never all that curious about others who have experienced divorce, I was not concerned about the court proceedings.  My attorney prepped me for what to expect of the court action and how to answer his seven or eight questions.  I knew this proceeding was not going to be adversarial in nature and had little concern for it taking a turn unexpected. 

What I didn't expect was to take the witness stand and experience what can only be recalled as "watching one's life flash before their eyes".   It was an amazing experience.  It wasn't a near-death flash but rather a wonderful remembrance of what once was.   Thankfully, the answers my representation required of me were all affirmatives or negatives, no lengthy dissertations.

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The first flash was when I saw her step from her car all the way back in the summer of 1971.  Those incredible legs.  Stuffing the soccer ball under her shirt.  The wedding.  The birth of three wonderful children.  The amazing vacation trips.  The mutual quests to stop smoking.  All of these and hundreds of other experiences we shared together over 22 years of a solid marriage.  The images were a collage of everything wonderful about our life together.  All in a matter of one minute while answering eight questions. 

Amazingly, not one of the negative experiences we shared surfaced during that flashback.  None of the guilt that I lived with for years reared its ugly head.  It was a surreal experience and one that I will always smile about.  The flash disappeared as I walked back to my courtroom seat.  Walking out of the courtroom, all the guilt, the anxiety and uncertainty walked hand in hand with me.  Karen Mathea Hawkins and I embraced and she told me "it's okay".  The guilt and anxiety are gone now but the uncertainty remains.  Where do I go from here?     

Overstuffed Bathing Suits - America's New War On Obesity

I would never want to be accused of being a "dirty old man" but living and working on the beach lends itself to casual observation of women in bathing suits.  Men too.  Every day from my beachside office I am confronted with men and women in all sorts of beach attire.  The parade of families on their way to the pools and ocean provides ample opportunity to view first-hand what has been hotly debated for months now, America's War On Obesity.

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From my vantage point and daily viewing of the vacationing public, America has a serious obesity problem.  It spans all ages, economical groups, ethnic background and all the other politically correct designators of the American public.  The majority of folks I see are all carrying extra luggage and it isn't the kind you place on a luggage cart.  Some just need to shed 5-10 pounds but by the looks of the overstuffed bathing suits, many should get serious about their weight problem.

This past year has seen Michele Obama lead the charge on childhood obesity.  Her anti-childhood obesity program, "Let's Move", is in its first year and slow, incremental progress has been made.  Her many appearances and speeches have elevated the discussion to an entirely new level.  Her leadership has compelled grocers, food and beverage companies and schools to take a long hard look at how to combat obesity among our children.

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Like every First Lady endeavor, there are critics from every corner including those that believe that government has no business dictating any personal choice issues.  However, the alarm bells are going off throughout the country about our young people and the obesity problem.  It is clear that we must take action to help young people make good personal choices about their nutrition, exercise and health.  The anti-smoking campaign that has been on-going for years has made a difference and one hopes that obesity education will have similar results.

It is estimated that 300 million people worldwide are obese.  One in five children are obese in the United States which calculates to 12 million children.  Excess weight is linked to all kinds of health issues including diabetes, heart disease and some cancers.  Any amount of weight loss, even small amounts help improve one's health.  Just this week, the American Medical Association announced that it supports annual educational instruction for public school children on obesity.

The AMA also reported that they support the idea of using revenue from taxes on sugar-sweetened sodas as one way to help pay for obesity-fighting education.  However, there is concern among some doctors that such a tax would be of a greater burden on the poor and disadvantaged.             

Americans in particular have become a sedentary bunch.   We sit in our chairs and recliners, eat chips, drink beer and eat fast-food out of convenience and necessity.  Our children follow our lead watching television, playing games on their game platforms and texting and talking on their cell phones.  Afternoon play has been relegated to television and games rather than outdoor adventure and activity. 

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Educational programs involving children encouraging healthy eating habits and good nutrition along with exercise and play is the beginning of turning around the obesity problem.  Making inroads in this one area of health will go a long way toward reducing our nation's long-term health care costs. 

Moving Forward ...Finally, It's True

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For longer than I care to admit, I have used the expression "moving forward" to describe the ending of a long-term relationship.  The words came easy to me and I really believed them.  Truth was and has been, that "moving forward" was a perpetual holding pattern.  Both parties of the relationship believed it was over long ago with no hopes of repair.  Both thought they were "moving forward" but instead it was postponing the messy, inevitable task of making it official. 

Regrets and apologies all around but finally "moving forward" is the phrase of the day.  After 18 years, not quite as long as the marriage itself, the day has come.  By all accounts, it is rather anti-climatic since both parties called it quits long ago.  Not sure how I should feel.  Others I have known have celebrated.  Others yet are relieved.  Some feel free and enabled to move forward.

There's that phrase again, "moving forward."  I have no plans to celebrate nor anyone to celebrate the occasion  with.  I am not particularly feeling relieved because I have not been stressed about it.  Feeling free and enabled; not sure I feel either of those feelings.  I have a feeling that Monday, June 11, 2012 will be like most Mondays.  Not all that exciting, not good or bad, just another Monday with a brief meeting in a courtroom. 

On the eve of the divorce decree, what I really am feeling is the satisfaction of at least knowing that finally, it's true, I am moving forward.  At least with this relationship.  There is a freedom that comes with the end of any long-term situation.  Whether a marriage, a job or any number of other situations one might think of. 

For me, it opens up opportunities to take some new steps.  I am foregoing the use of the phrase "moving forward" ever again.  It only got me in trouble.  Truth is, I have been taking new steps for many months now and this is only one of many "moving forward" moments I have come to achieve.  I have written much about my "Renaissance" as a soon-to-be 60 year-old. 

The divorce is a key moment though.  Although anti-climatic for me on some levels, it fulfills one step among many that I am on task to complete.  Unlike many in my situation with the ending of such a long relationship, I am happy to say that ours is one that will continue in a positive, new fashion.  All the better for both of us as we go about our separate lives. 

Thankfully, for me "moving forward" is over and done with and now it is all about moving ahead.