Black Friday - An Event Like No Other

For weeks now, all the department stores and big box stores have been communicating their messages to us about how big "Black Friday" would be at their store.  Sharing with us all the specials, discounts and offers they would have available for us.  The media tagged along with all types of reports leading up to the biggest shopping day of the year.  Thursday's newspaper was filled with advertisements announcing all the great deals that would be available at the respective stores.  The newspaper seemed twice as heavy as a Sunday paper.    Thanksgiving has really become the prelude to Black Friday for the committed and savvy shopper. 

Ever the shopping enthusiast, I just had to take a peek and see what kind of response there would be here in Myrtle Beach.  I wasn't planning on going into a store to shop.  Rather, I was interested in seeing what crowds there were and how many cars were in the parking lots.  You see the news reports and occasionally speak to someone who actually participated but I was interested and wanted some first-hand knowledge.  My interest is sparked on several different levels.  First and foremost, I am interested to see how this year's event (what else can we call it) would be affected by the poor economic conditions we have.  Secondly, I wanted to get a glimpse of the madness if you will of all the people who were up all day long preparing Thanksgiving meals and still had energy enough to meet the crowds head-on to secure their special Christmas gifts. 

Oh my God.  My first stop was at one of our local Wal-Mart superstores.  Cars were parked in every possible parking spot as well as the adjacent store parking lots.  Wal-Mart stayed open throughout the day so there were was no waiting going on.  Driving around the corner, I wanted to check out Best Buy.  I had always heard the crowds at Best Buy were actually camped out hours in advance to snap-up the early bargains.  Word had it too that Best Buy was showing outdoor movies at some of their locations.  As I approached Best Buy, the line in anticipation of getting into the store completely encircled the store.  Almost all of folks in line had beach chairs and looked well-prepared for their wait. 

My two sons, Tim and Dan, had ventured out to the Tanger Outlet Mall west of town.  They had asked if I wanted to tag along.  I declined but asked for an update on the crowd.  They reported that all the parking spaces were taken and there was a huge crowd everywhere for the eye to see.  I moved on to my next location, another popular Wal-Mart located only a few short miles from the one I had just visited.  Once again, the parking lot was overwhelmed with cars with the nearby fast food restaurant, pharmacy and strip mall filled completely with cars. 

It was official.  The early results based on my personal reconnoiter convinced me that Black Friday was alive and well right here in Myrtle Beach.  It was as if no one was home sleeping this night as everyone must have been out at the stores.  I did not wait around at any of stores to see what was being purchased or how many bags of gifts were being toted out to vehicles but I suspect the early crowd was spending some serious money.  Given these tough economic times, it would appear that folks had put some money aside for this extraordinary shopping day.  Any casual observer would have responded with, "what recession?" or "sluggish economy?" 

We are an interesting and complex species, the American consumer.  We happily fall right in line with what we are encouraged and motivated to perform when we receive the right set of messages or direction.  For retail America, they have us pretty well figured out.  Who cooks all day long, entertains and makes sure that all family members are taken care of and then stays up and ventures out into the throngs of humanity to pick-up that special gift or cartful of gifts.  We do as we have been conditioned to do so.  Pavlov might really enjoy seeing his behavioral theories come to life on a Black Friday. 

We're a funny, predictable and yet unpredictable bunch, we Americans.  Give us the right motivation and we really will respond.  We love to shop.  Makes us feel good about ourselves.  No question.  Provide us with the right set of incentives and we will come out in force.  Makes you wonder what things could be accomplished on a national scale if we employed "Black Friday" motivators and incentives.  Something to think about as you are jostled about this holiday shopping season.         

A Thanksgiving Alone

We have all sung the song, "Over the hills and through the woods to Grandmother's house we go".  At Thanksgiving, this song always comes to mind for some reason.  I imagine my mother used to sing the song to her three boys when we were young and making the annual pilgrimage to little Dola, Ohio for Thanksgiving dinner.  Going to Grandma's house at Thanksgiving is a tradition for most American families.  Of course, at some point, it becomes picking up Grandma and bringing her home to your house where someone younger can handle the stress and complexity of cooking for the whole clan of family members. 

I remember fondly those early years of going to Grandma's house.  It was always pretty special.  I can even remember as a child the year we broke down on the road and someone helped us fix our car so that we could continue the trip.  As I had my own children, I remember fondly taking my children to my mother's house, their grandmother's house, for the Thanksgiving feast.  We would generally get to both our parents homes on Thanksgiving Day and actually have two meals.  One would always be the traditional turkey dinner and other would be a Leg of Lamb dinner.  Both were wonderful and delicious. 

My mother and I were reminiscing about these experiences on the phone earlier this afternoon when she told that this would be her fourth consecutive year of not being with family on Thanksgiving Day.  I was stunned.  I absolutely felt awful and so very guilty.  She said she had come to terms with it.  That's Grandma code for she is not happy about it at all.  My mother is 91 years old.  How many more Thanksgiving dinners will there be for her and for any of her family spending time with her.  Amazing how we forget what's important in this life.    

Being 12 hours away is hardly an excuse for me.   For a few moments, I considered getting in my car and making the drive non-stop all the way to Ohio.  Had I not already committed to working I would have made the trip.  Once again, allowing work to interfere with what is most important.  This lesson of balancing my life with work is still a project that needs more self-discipline.  What have I been thinking all these years not to be making a special effort every year to get home and spend time with my mother around the holidays.  I was there last year the week before Thanksgiving.  That was a very special trip and one that I will always hold dear.     

My mother is still teaching me life's lessons as I approach 60 years of age.  She understood why I was unable to come home.  She wasn't disappointed in me for not being able to make the trip.  It was I who felt guilty and ashamed.  My mother  tops the list of people I am very thankful for on this most wonderful holiday of the year.  She is always there for me.  A kind heart, a caring voice and a listening ear.  All of the most important things you need from your Mom.  If only I could be more of the same to her as a son as she is to me as a mother.    

Happy Thanksgiving Mom. 

I'm Not Like Those Men

Fifteen years ago I fell prey to what many men in their forties experience, a mid-life crisis and the resulting extramarital affair.  Like most men who have this experience, we are the bunch that would be the first to tell you that we would be the least expected to fall into this trap.  "No one ever expected me to have an affair", we would almost proudly announce.  "I was the last person anyone would expect to get involved with another woman".  We all have shared these pronouncements as if in some fashion or another it makes it all okay.  For some of us, these phrases are perhaps true but nevertheless we did say yes to the other woman and jeopardize life as we knew it. 

For the lucky few,  they get a divorce and move on with their life.  No serious repercussions and life continues forward without great pause.  For others, the ones who really do fit into the category that this should never have happened to me, life takes a whole different path.  A downward spiral perhaps, a period of unending guilt or even a period of lost years.  Those who fall into the whole guilt mode find themselves without purpose, without meaning and a sense of unworthiness.  They tend to allow their feelings of guilt propel them into an endless period of time where little about them really matters.  Self-worth becomes threatened and a willingness to just let life happen without direction, motivation and even enthusiasm for it.  More aptly called depression. 

Years go by and they still haven't made the commitment to themselves to get back up, dust themselves off and make an intentional move forward.  They do take steps forward but they also falter backwards.  The old saying of one step forward but two back fits this group of men fairly accurately.  The lucky ones somewhere along the line get a wake-up call, seek counseling or find a way to suck it up and start taking charge.  Some men experience all three of these and still are unable to break free of what haunts them.  The fortunate ones eventually find hope, struggle with that hope and more often than not, live with the fear of failing again. 

For me, it has been all of this.  The unending guilt for years.  The resultant depression, sometimes helped with medication and sometimes not.  The lack of self-esteem, the lack of caring and enthusiasm for one's self.  The fears however are the most pervasive of all.  You seem to work through the guilt, mostly thanks to counseling.  The depression comes and goes and is greatly aided by work, immense, all-consuming work.  The fears of failing again in a relationship and experiencing life take the familiar path downward is far and away the most significant.  Breaking through those fears is the last and most difficult barrier to overcome. 

Fear is a real feeling.  We all have some level of fear within us.  For some, it may be losing our job.  Others, it may be fear of being injured or sick.  The list goes on and on.  For me, it has always been about being exposed for who I truly am.  Not the person I portend to be.  That person who feels that any level of success is never enough.  The person who feels that they haven't lived up to their expectations and are even fearful to risk doing the work to try.  It's crazy how the mind works and how many factors of living your whole life come into play when facing these issues of fear. 

Some folks would scoff at the fears that another person has.  Some would ridicule the simplest of fears.  Others would pronounce them away as insignificant, unnecessary things to worry about.  For the person with those fears, they are real and no matter how persuasive someone else can be to alleviate those fears, they are tough to abolish from one's mind.  Facing my fears only came a few months ago when the one person that I respect and love the most, shook me to the core with the hard, cold truth of what I was doing and what I was not doing.  It was a very painful, hurtful experience but one that thankfully finally happened. 

Hearing yourself being exposed by the person who knows you best is tough stuff.  Hearing your failings thrust at you like a series of dodge balls with each exposure hurting more than the previous one.  It's no fun.  To listen to the words of anger and frustration is as hard it gets.  The heart of it though is being able to sit there and listen to it.  It takes a tremendous amount of courage, strength and character to tell someone you love what it is about you that they object to.  At first, you are shell shocked from the experience.  It's like how they described our bombing in Iraq, "shock and awe".  Then comes the cowering, the tail between the legs because you know you have been called out for what you are.  Next, a period of reflection, consideration and understanding. Finally, a willingness, a motivation and a determination to change begins to take shape. 

You struggle with it at first because you know not how to move forward.  Then, slowly, ever so slowly, you begin the process of taking one step forward.  This time, there are no steps backward.  You take another step, yet none going in reverse.  Then two steps, three steps and even an understanding that you might fall back some but you can rejoice in knowing that you are taking more steps forward than you are backward.  You begin to feel some level of control again for your life.  You recognize that not everything you are doing in your life is necessarily what you should be doing.  You may not be able to change that right away but you determine to build a plan to eventually change that aspect of your life too.   

The fears still linger beneath the surface, no question.  However, they are now fears that can be managed.  Like a fear of falling out of a boat into the water and drowning, climbing a tree and falling, being fearful of the dark.  Being able to manage the fear is the real trick and what allows us to live our daily life rather than shutting the world out and not taking any risk at all.  It's been a long road for me and I'm sure for many others who have experienced a similar life story.  The beauty of it all and the hope for others who have not found my good fortune, is that it can come to you.  You just have to open your heart and mind to it and hope that someone loves you enough to set you free. 

  

FACEBOOK

FACEBOOK

    Eyes Wide Open Now

I now understand all those programs on television that warn parents about making sure they take a peek every now and again at their children's Facebook pages.  This past week, I joined Facebook to help grow my publishing and writing business.  Of course, I had to enlist the assistance of my youngest son, Daniel, who has been a proud member for quite some time.  He had me set-up in a matter of minutes and quickly hustled me through some of the highlights of Facebook. 

Only two days later, did I sign-on and get my first real glimpse of social media.  There was my Facebook mentor, Daniel, with some type of box on his head sporting a pair of Speedos and nothing else.  So much for any elected office position for the baby of the family.  Actually, I think the wrist tatoo probably did him in a few years back.  Amazingly, Facebook offers a real slice of young and old America and what they are thinking and doing.  This is quite an adventure, this Facebook stuff.

It's funny how I have encouraged my staff at my last two positions to keep our properties updated on Facebook without really understanding what this site is all about.  I should have joined  years ago and would not have missed out on some fairly good opportunities to share our property stories.  Nevertheless, it is interesting to be a part of the scene today.  I already have 11 Facebook friends and haven't even begun the process of looking for any. 

Currently, I am only connected with the PC sitting on my desk.  That's old school as most of the kids and a fair amount of adults have it on their smart phones.  My phone isn't all that smart, it just rings and beeps all the time.  I can't imagine it being busier than it already is and can't see how I could possibly get through a day with the constant vibrating of my phone alerting me to every Facebook entry or email.  I wonder how business people who stay connected with Facebook are able to get any work done at all. 

It is true that Facebook is a tremendous resource for connecting with other people, friends and family.  I see the daily posts of my daughter who lives and works in Kentucky.  I see the comings and goings of my youngest, my mentor Daniel.  My oldest son, Tim, only ventures a comment here and there as he is so busy with school and work, Facebook participation for him is infrequent.  I keep thinking it is too bad that the United States Postal Service didn't come up with the Facebook model.  They started the whole communication thing and now they are being left in the dust. 

It actually is estimated that the average person only receives one letter of a personal nature every seven weeks.  How many of us can remember waiting by the mailbox for that special letter from Grandma or Grandpa.  Maybe a son who was serving overseas, a sweetheart away for the summer or the dreaded college grades that always kept us on the edge of our seat.  One has to wonder if the Selective Service ever had a draft again, would it send out letters or postings to Facebook pages. 

I still don't quite have the hang of it yet when it comes to Facebook.  I need my mentor to pop by and give me some more tutoring.  I do think about the thousands of people I have had contact with during my life, especially during my YMCA years, all those staff members, all those campers - where are all of them today.  Facebook is going to open the door and quite a few windows as I begin the process of reconnecting with hundreds, perhaps thousands of younger people who once for a brief period of time, were a part of my life.